Mitt Romney Jokes

The right wing may control the debate in American politics, but they at least they must realize they don't have a single funny comedian.  Poor consolation for the rest of us, but nevertheless here are some of Bill Maher's recent offerings:

...the Facebook IPO, where regular people got screwed, and the banks and insiders did ok...or, as Mitt Romney calls it, the American Dream.

Mitt Romney does have a point when he criticizes Obama about the country's educational system.  We are graduating millions of people in this country who are so lacking in basic analytical skills that they are considering voting for Mitt Romney.  As George Bush said, "Our kids is not learning."

Romney's main claim to credibility as a candidate is his business experience at Bain Capital.  Then last week he made the mistake of appearing with Donald Trump in Las Vegas, which only reminded people that you can make a fortune in business in America and still be a total fucking idiot.

Pollsters in Florida reported that when you ask people on a cell phone who they're supporting, overwhelmingly they are for Obama.  When you ask people on a land line, Romney.   Romney also has the support of  people who refer to the coffee maker as the percolator and the television remote as the clicker.

Romney has begun vetting his VP possibilities.  His campaign is looking for a strong conservative, but someone who will not upstage Romney.  So the search is on for a strong conservative in a coma.

Romney, courting Latino businessmen at a luncheon in Los Angeles last week, said he has always had a great relationship with the Latinos....as long as they don't wake him up with the leaf blower.

The media can keep giving oxygen to the story of Trump and the birthers, but they're neglecting a much bigger scandal, which is...wife-ism.  Let's face it, Mitt Romney comes from a Mormon background.  I don't know how many wives he has, I'm not saying I believe in it, I'm just saying he was born on a Mormon compound. I'm not a wifer, but for some reason he has never shown his original marriage certificate.  Again, I'm no wifer, I'm just saying he has the blood of a nomadic, polygamist tribesman and I think that has shaped his world view....and why, on the short form, obviously a copy, of his marriage certificate, which is all that his campaign has supplied does it say "wife" and not "only wife?"  I'm just asking the questions that the lame-stream media won't ask about Mitt's unholy harem of obedient sister wives, which I really hope I'm wrong about.  By the way, how is it that Mitt and Ann Romney have 5 kids and they're all thirty years old?  And you've seen the picture of Mitt pointing to the picture of the Olympic symbol.  What is it?  Five rings. And what else has five rings?  Five wives!  And why did Mitt Romney drive to Canada with his dog strapped to the top of his car?  Could it have been because his station wagon was full of wives?  I'm not saying I believe this wifer stuff.  I take Mitt Romney at his word...but how do you explain this video: (use your imagination) "I have the same view on marriage that I had when I was governor and that I've expressed many times.  I believe marriage is a relation ship between a man and a woman...and a woman, and a woman, and a woman, and a woman....."