Go the Fuck to Sleep

Following up on the last post about the new style of children's books, I will ignore all copyright rules and give you the text because, what the hell? I'm in Brasil.  Besides, I don't think of this as giving the book away; I think of it as an inducement to everyone to go to Amazon and buy it for people they know who have kids or are seriously thinking about it.

Along with the cover drawing which I posted earlier, each stanza below has its own accompanying drawing.


The cats nestle close to their kittens,
The lambs have lain down with the sheep.
You’re cozy and warm in your bed, my dear.
Please go the fuck to sleep.



The windows are dark in the town, child.
The whales huddle down in the deep.
I’ll read you one very last book if you swear
You’ll go the fuck to sleep.


The eagles who soar through the sky are at rest
And the creatures who crawl, run, and creep.
I know you’re not thirsty. That’s bullshit. Stop lying.
Lie the fuck down, my darling, and sleep.



The wind whispers soft through the grass, hon.
The field mice, they make not a peep.
It’s been thirty-eight minutes already.
Jesus Christ, what the fuck? Go to sleep.



All the kids from day care are in dreamland.
The froggie has made his last leap.
Hell no, you can’t go to the bathroom.
You know where you can go? The fuck to sleep.



The owls fly forth from the treetops.
Through the air, they soar and they sweep.
A hot crimson rage fills my heart, love.
For real, shut the fuck up and sleep.



The cubs and the lions are snoring,
Wrapped in a big snuggly heap.
How come you can do all this other great shit
But you can’t lie the fuck down and sleep?


The seeds slumber beneath the earth now
And the crops that the farmers will reap.
No more questions. This interview’s over,
I’ve got two words for you, kid: fucking sleep.



The tiger reclines in the simmering jungle.
The sparrow has silenced her cheep.
Fuck your stuffed bear, I’m not getting you shit.
Close your eyes. Cut the crap. Sleep.



The flowers doze low in the meadows
And high on the mountains so steep.
My life is a failure, I’m a shitty-ass parent.
Stop fucking with me, please, and sleep.


The giant pangolins of Madagascar are snoozing
As I lie here and openly weep.
Sure, fine, whatever, I’ll bring you some milk.
Who the fuck cares? You’re not gonna sleep.


This room is all I can remember,
The furniture crappy and cheap.
You win. You escape. You run down the hall.
As I nod the fuck off, and sleep.


Bleary and dazed I awaken
To find your eyes shut, so I keep
My fingers crossed tight as I tiptoe away
And pray that you’re fucking asleep.


We’re finally watching our movie.
Popcorn’s in the microwave. Beep.
Oh shit. Goddamn it. You’ve got to be kidding.
Come on, go the fuck back to sleep.